Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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