i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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