How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
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