I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
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I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
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I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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