i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
