what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
