i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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