I hate all girls vehemently.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
PS: I just woke up from my shower
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
