did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
