Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
