the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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