He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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