its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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