why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
