did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
