i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
