i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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