My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Randomize