So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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