dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
