Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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