I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
