If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
