just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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