I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
