does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
