I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
