Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
