Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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