btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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