what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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