watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
