Im at strip club and am horny
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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