Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
