dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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