OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
