I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
