If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
