You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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