Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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