Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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