Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just high enough for therapy.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
