Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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