She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
