I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
