Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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