I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
