MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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