he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
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Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
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We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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