We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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