I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
one two three fourrrrnication!
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
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an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
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the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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