oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
