im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
