felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
