Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.