So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup