I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
