i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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