my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
