I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
