I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Alive.
So much puke
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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