you traded sex for a burrito?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
