why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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