I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
