If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
