Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
