I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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