i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize