New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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