I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
