u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
