The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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