Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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