he looks like a really good dad on facebook
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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