I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
