I'm jealous of your bromance
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
