i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Houston, we have a blender
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
